The Illusion of "Brokenness"

I wrote this 13 months ago but I've been busy.  Before I write the blog I came here to write, I'm going to post it.  If you've read some of my older blogs, you know I believe that the white space is the art in a piece.  This one is unfinished but it talks about what I was learning, thinking and using to grow, a year ago last May . . . .

Can't kayak this morning - so I've been thinking (and visiting with a friend) about how each of us is "broken."   I know that the struggles of my life have caused me to have triggers.  Triggers can be worked on, worked out and improved with work.  Think Therapy!

Although we can work on the way we are broken, the triggers will continue to affect us, create opportunities to learn about ourselves and others.  Maybe the triggers are a gift.  They are painful, awful things.  I still don't walk to the mailbox to get my mail.  My fella handles that for me.  There are many things he handles for me and many I handle for him.  We each have Stuff we are carrying.

One of my friends recently said that marriage is that "you team up against the world."  So, those things we choose to handle for one another are gifts.  It doesn't mean we can't each handle our own Stuff.  It means we love each other enough to pinch hit in the tough times.

When I was meeting men, while searching for my love, I met many men who had big Stuff.  Carrying big stuff is a part of life.  Dealing with big stuff is a part of life.  Finding someone whose stuff you can deal with is the key.

One of my friends described the dating sites as "the island of mistfit toys."  I think that's about right.  On the other hand, I've always felt that the key in any friendship is to be in it.  I do think many friendships have a natural trajectory.  Someone I feel very close to may need to move on.  I may choose to not be involved in their lives.  There is an arc to many relationships.

Pain is Relative

It's something I've been saying for years.  I know I've heard others say it but I discovered it as a truth to describe the fact that empathy does not capture another's experience.  This came to me shortly after my mother died.  Actually, it may have been the year after.  That first year was a blur of pain and sadness.

I started saying it because it didn't take me long, especially in relation to the people I met in the Hospice grief support group that I attended, to realize that EVERY experience with grief is different.  You could put two people in exactly the same series of experiences and because each of us has such a different set of tools, emotional vulnerability and access to support, there is just no way to compare the pain.

I stopped saying things like, "I understand because . . . (fill in my life altering painful experience here)."  I started stopping at, "I'm so sorry for your loss," and then trying to listen and really hear and respond to the other's expression of pain.

Giving up the concept that there needs to be comparison or understanding to sit with anyone, in that moment, and just share in their pain has led to some really loving and intense moments with people I will never really know.

It also gave me permission to feel the grief I need to feel.  Surviving those trials by fire, concentrating on the fierce love that gives me those connections.  That's been worth the pain.

Images are from Artprize 2013 exhibition will credit with artists name as soon as I can locate it.

Scotch Eggs

 

Boil 6 until hardboiled, cool and peel.  Mix 1 lb hot sausage and 1 lb regular sausage.  Add kosher salt and pepper to taste.  Beat 2 eggs with a splash of water.  Form balls of meat mixture around eggs.  Roll in egg and coat with falafel mix.  Put in freezer for 20 minutes.  Repeat egg and falafel mix.  Repressing into shape.  Cook for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Halloween Inspired Stuffed Peppers

Red peppers on the small side for stuffing but they were available and nearing the end of their lifecycle.
Boiled them in unsalted water for about 15 minutes left in water until ready to assemble.
Rather than the tomato sauce version of ground beef with cooked white rice, I sautéed onions and browned a little over a pound of ground beef.  Drained and set aside.
Made beef broth risotto the easy way with long grain rice and boiling water with some beef and tomato bouillon.
Folded in beef and onions, placed them in casserole and surrounded with the risotto mixture.  Covered tightly with foil and baked for 40 minutes at 350°.

Deeper Flavors in Less Time

Since I dislike fast food and am hungry and tired shortly after I hit the door at home, I have taken to planning ahead.

I start things in the crock pot on low and then finish them when I get home.  Building deeper flavors can take some time, and I DO love flavorful food - I've fallen in love with crock pot liners and shortcuts.

If I had time to make home made stocks and spend time curing my own meats, etc.  I would. But I don't . . . 

So, I set the crockpot use the concentrated stock 1 chicken,  1 vegetable and half the water in instructions.

The rest I leave out to add an hour before eating.  Rice and water and turn up to high.

Blue Cauliflower Makes Vegetable Hating Husband Happy

The purple cauliflower was 50 cents less precious than the white.  Husband had said he likes cauliflower.  Thus, experiment began.  Blanched for 5 minutes in salted water.  Shocked in ice water.  Dumped in casserole pan, sprinkled with chicken bullion and covered in grated guere.  Baked at 400 degrees for 5 minutes.  Gone in minutes!

Watermelon

I've been thinking about watermelon.  As we purchased a couple of them last night, I remembered a few . . . .

There was one that I won at the 4th of July picnic in the downtown park in Palisade, Colorado when I was in 4th grade.  Bennett Young was running the "prize wheel."  I think it was a dollar a number.  He spun the wheel, it landed on MY number.  I won a big watermelon.  I felt like the luckiest kid on earth.  Not sure how many they gave away that day.  I've had a saying all my life that has morphed a bit but started a few years later.  It goes like this:

"I don't really gamble.  Maybe 5 lottery tickets in my life, a bit of gambling in Vegas when I had to go there for work and met my friends there.  In my family, we're not all that lucky.  We work for what we get.  Pretty much topped out when I won a watermelon at the 4th of July picnic when I was in 4th grade."

Of course, part of that was that it was the first summer we lived there.  I was new in the town my parents grew up in and just learning to enjoy small town life.  My parents knew EVERYONE.  As we walked around everyone wanted to talk to my Dad.  People have always been drawn to him.

Mary Lou Manning (the grandma I chose for myself a few years later) saw my Mom across the street at the Memorial Parade that next year.  She told me that she turned to her husband, Wilbert and said something close to, "she's so beautiful and happy, I'd love to know her."  A few weeks later my Dad stopped by to see Wilbert, his old family friend.  They arranged a dinner with their spouses and BAMB she spotted my Mom and was so excited to know her that the friendship became family.  I spent nights of football games at their house making banana bread with her, learning to make my favorite pickles and taking LONG baths in their great big old claw foot bathtub.  I now realize it was the only bathroom in the house :D.  Not one knock. EVER.

More about them later . . . . they WERE love and family to me.

The other watermelon on my mind was when I was a bit older, maybe 12.  We were camping above 10,000 ft. on Grand Mesa.  Haven't been there in years - still my favorite place on earth. We didn't own a tent yet so we slept in our big station wagon.  Dad, Mom and Lisa slept on a foam pad in the back.  I slept on the seat under those big window skylights.  I watched a meteor shower for HOURS.  Not sure how many I saw but it had to have been thousands.  The next day Dad retrieved a HUGE watermelon from it's spot in the creek.  It had been there to keep cool in the cold, mountain spring water that tasted better than anything I've ever had since.  Watermelon was cold as ice, the day was sunny and warm.  It was perfect.

I hope these taste like that when we eat them with our kids this week.